Success Seeking vs Rational Expectations

Success Seeking vs. Rational Expectations
Professor Henry Schissler


Success is a culturally defined status or social standing. It encompasses specific standards that include; the need to accumulate wealth, money, and success-symbols (material possessions); the need for a level of recognition and celebrity, as well as prestige in the form of a “title” or career status identity.

Success is not viewed as a static status. Rather it boasts exhilarating and aggressive competition. It is a highly proactive process that necessitates unrelenting focus throughout one’s lifetime. Our culture reinforces the belief that success means happiness, and the climb to get there is invigorating.

Success-Drive is the amount of time men and women think about and engage in success seeking. Researchers have a hard time quantifying it: Is it how often we think about success? How often we want success? How often we become aroused by success seeking? Success-Drive is all that, and more.
Learn To Tame Your Success-Drive!

The Success Response Cycle consists of the following stages:
1. Desire. This stage, in which a man or woman begins to want or "desire" success gratification, will last anywhere from a moment to many years.
2. Arousal. This stage is characterized by the body’s initial response to feelings of success aspiration.
3. Plateau. This stage, the highest point of success excitement, is characterized by an increase in the body’s production of adrenaline and the release of the brain’s neurotransmitter dopamine, which regulates and enhances pleasure seeking experiences
4. Resolution. The duration of this stage—the period during which the body returns to its pre-excitement state—varies greatly and is usually associated with being asleep. When awake, the Success Response Cycle will begin anew.

Successarexia is an emotional disorder caused by excessive success seeking behavior patterns. Individuals who suffer from this disorder tend to believe in the pursuit of perfection in all of the success activities that they engage in. Because of the inability of any person to reach perfection, the disorder remains active causing increasing levels of anxiety, hypervigilance, and chronic self-judgment.




Core American Values are transmitted to all of us through culture and are widely accepted by us as facts. We honor, recognize, even “worship” success that springs from individualism, individual effort and initiative. We embrace the ideal that an individual can rise from the bottom of society to its tippity-top. The personal freedom to do so and the value of freedom in general, pervade our lives. If someone fails to “get ahead,” we typically blame that individual and attack various character traits that have led to the failure. We do not see our society as the culprit, placing roadblocks in the individual’s way.

We place towering value on “becoming” as evidenced by personal achievement, especially outdoing others, and reaching full potential. “Becoming” includes getting ahead at work and school, and attaining wealth, power, and prestige. “God gives every bird his worm, but he does not throw it into the nest.”


We expect tasks to be completed with efficiency and practicality. In everyday living, we consider it important to complete tasks at a rapid pace; and we are always finding ways to increase efficiency. This obsession of ours causes us to value, as character traits, the ability to delay gratification, accept higher stress levels as “just a part of life,” and be willing to sacrifice time with family, friends, and leisure in general, for the good of our efficiency. Our reward is material comfort, achieved through the acquisition of status symbols, dining at favorite restaurants, having lots of choices for leisure time activity, and hiring someone to mow the lawn.


And when we speak about our belief in equality for all, we are really talking about equality of opportunity. Our history books are stuffed with stories of the American Dream envisioned and realized by men and women who epitomize the Core American Values.





Success Emphasis Theory The sociologist Robert Merton framed “becoming” around his theory of adaptation called “success emphasis.” He affirmed that the primary cultural goal and macro-level value in Western society is success, measured largely in terms of money. In fact, our society offers specific instructions on how to pursue success – go to school, work hard, do not quit, take advantages of opportunities, and so forth.


This success emphasis causes people to adapt, either by conforming to or by deviating from such cultural expectations. There are five basic forms of adaptation.


(1) Conformity to social norms, the most common adaptation, involves acceptance of both the overall societal goal and the approved means. It is not deviant.


(2) Innovation, a form of deviance, means accepting the goals but pursuing them with means regarded as improper.


(3) Ritualism, a form of deviance, means abandoning the success-goal and becoming committed to the institutional means (work). “Work for work’s sake” has meaning in many cultural & sub-cultural groups, including rural & urban poor church congregations.


(4) Retreatism, a form of deviance, means withdrawing from both the goals & the means to achieve. Vagrants and drug addicts are typically viewed as retreatists our society (Post Traumatic Success Disorder).


(5) Rebellion, a form of deviance, is the attempt to create a new social structure because of deep feelings of alienation from the cultural status quo. It is pro-active rather than a retreat. It means standing up to “what is”, rejecting it, and finding a new social structure.






Irrational Beliefs About Success Albert Ellis, Ph.D., the founder of Rational-Emotive-Behavioral Therapy and a well known and well regarded psychologist, wrote A New Guide to Rational Living in 1975. In the book, he challenges various “irrational beliefs” that people often hold; they are “irrational” because they are self-defeating. They are beliefs that come from non-material culture, the generalized beliefs about what is right and wrong, true or false, good and bad. They are often “common sense knowledge of culture,” overgeneralized assumptions and stereotypical views about life.

One such “irrational belief” is the belief that we must be successful, that our self-worth raises and falls on our successes. Ellis talks about two ideas: that an individual must prove thoroughly competent, adequate, and achieving; and that an individual must have competence or talent in some important area. These are direct impacts of “success emphasis.”

Ellis points out that these beliefs cause people to become, “fearful of failing at some task or goal.” And, as a consequence of this fear they, “usually manage to avoid trying for what they want because they construe failure as the worst of all possible crimes.”

On social value, Ellis asserts, “the notion that humans have value proportional to their accomplishments, and that if they lack competence or adequacy, they might as well curl up and die, includes several irrationalities.”

“Virtually nobody can prove competent and masterful in most respects and almost no one can display perfect adequacy and achievement...Trying to achieve outstandingness in one field of endeavor remains difficult, since millions of individuals compete in the same area. And the goal of behaving generally successfully has perfectionistic elements that doom the individual to serious disappointment.

“Achievement does not, except by arbitrary definition, relate to a person’s intrinsic worth. If individuals think themselves “better” or “greater” because they succeed at something, they may temporarily feel “worthier.” But they actually do not change their intrinsic value one iota by their successes; nor do they lower their “I-ness” by their failures”...


Ellis offers this advice: “To raise your “ego” by material or other achievements really means falsely to think yourself “better” that you previously proved. Most of what we call “pride” in accomplishment actually amounts to false pride: the silly belief that you have no worth unless you have accomplished, and the equally silly belief that because you have accomplished you have value as a person.”






He states that, “technically, you “are” not any particular thing...Whenever you use any form of the verb “to be,” you speak incorrectly. You “are” not a butcher, baker, or candlestick maker. You “are” a human individual who practices these various kinds of occupations – but who also practices many other things...To identify, much less rate yourself according to your performance of some particular human activity, tends to create the illusion that you, a person, have only as much worth as that activity. And how much sense does that make?

Although accomplishment may bring you considerable advantages, fanatic devotion to the bitch-goddess success usually involves discomfort as well. Those hell-bent on achievement commonly push themselves beyond their limits of physical endurance; tolerate or invite painful conditions that they might avoid if not so determined to succeed; and rarely give themselves sufficient time to relax and enjoy what they do, nor time to lead better-rounded existences.

The frantic struggle for achievement usually reflects a dire need to excel others, to show that you act as well as or better than they do. But you remain you, and you will not exist as “yourself” (do what you largely like to do) if you must excel others. What have the others really got to do with you? If they have inferior traits, does that make you by one whit a better person? And if they excel you in this or that performance, does that make you a louse or a nogoodnick?...If you think that your “worth” as a human depends on how well your traits shape up and compare to those of others, you will practically always feel insecure and “worthless.” You will act other-directedly and divorced from what you might want to do with your one earthly existence. You will believe self-flagellating statements, such as: “I accept and enjoy myself only if I do as well as or better than others do.”

If you inordinately strive for success and feel anxious about failing, you will fear taking chances, making mistakes, doing the wrong thing, or doing many things you would really like to do. By insisting on outstanding achievement, you will leave yourself the pitifully narrow choices of (a) making mistakes and feeling depressed about them, or (b) refusing to try to do things for fear of making mistakes and feeling self-hatred about them. Having an unrealistically high level of aspiration foredooms you not only to failure but to fear of failing – which often has more pernicious effects than failure itself.




Success Emphasis Creates Perfectionists You have learned that other people value you because of how much you accomplish or achieve. As a result you have learned to value yourself only on the basis of other people's approval. Thus your self-esteem is based primarily on external standards. This can leave you vulnerable and excessively sensitive to the opinions and criticism of others. In attempting to protect yourself from such criticism, you determine that being perfect is your only defense.
A number of the following negative feelings, thoughts, and beliefs are associated with perfectionism:
• Fear of failure. Perfectionists often equate failure to achieve their goals with a lack of personal worth or value.

• Fear of making mistakes. Perfectionists often equate mistakes with failure. In orienting their lives around avoiding mistakes, perfectionists miss opportunities to learn and grow.

• Fear of disapproval. If they let others see their flaws, perfectionists often fear that they will no longer be accepted. Trying to be perfect is a way of trying to protect themselves from criticism, rejection, and disapproval.

• All-or-none thinking. Perfectionists frequently believe that they are worthless if their accomplishments are not perfect. Perfectionists have difficulty seeing situations in perspective. For example, a straight "A" student who receives a "B" might believe, "I am a total failure."

• Overemphasis on "shoulds." Perfectionists' lives are often structured by an endless list of "shoulds" that serve as rigid rules for how their lives must be led. With such an overemphasis on shoulds, perfectionists rarely take into account their own wants and desires.

• Believing that others are easily successful. Perfectionists tend to perceive others as achieving success with a minimum of effort, few errors, emotional stress, and maximum self-confidence. At the same time, perfectionists view their own efforts as unending and forever inadequate.




Perfectionistic attitudes set in motion a vicious cycle. First, perfectionists set unreachable goals. Second, they fail to meet these goals because the goals were impossible to begin with. Failure to reach them was thus inevitable. Third, the constant pressure to achieve perfection and the inevitable chronic failure reduce productivity and effectiveness. Fourth, this cycle leads perfectionists to be self-critical and self-blaming which results in lower self-esteem. It may also lead to anxiety and depression. At this point perfectionists may give up completely on their goals and set different goals thinking, "This time if only I try harder I will succeed." Such thinking sets the entire cycle in motion again.

This vicious cycle can be illustrated by looking at a way in which perfectionists often deal with interpersonal relationships. Perfectionists tend to anticipate or fear disapproval and rejection from those around them. Given such fear, perfectionists may react defensively to criticism and in doing so frustrate and alienate others. Without realizing it, perfectionists may also apply their unrealistically high standards to others, becoming critical and demanding of them. Furthermore, perfectionists may avoid letting others see their mistakes, not realizing that self-disclosure allows others to perceive them as more human and thus more likeable. Because of this vicious cycle perfectionists often have difficulty being close to people and therefore have less than satisfactory interpersonal relationships.



Change the Focus to Rational Expectations
Healthy goal setting and striving are quite different from the self-defeating process of perfectionism. Persons with Rational Expectations tend to set goals based on their own wants and desires rather than primarily in response to external expectations. Their goals are usually just one step beyond what they have already accomplished. In other words, their goals are realistic, internal, and potentially attainable. Persons with Rational Expectations take pleasure in the process of pursuing the task at hand rather than focusing only on the end result. When they experience disapproval or failure, their reactions are generally limited to specific situations rather than generalized to their entire self-worth.

Change Success Emphasis to Rational Expectations
The first step in changing from Success Emphasis to Rational Expectations is to realize that perfectionism is undesirable. Perfection is an illusion that is unattainable. The next step is to challenge the self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that fuel perfectionism. Some of the following strategies may help:
• Set realistic and reachable goals based on your own wants and needs and what you have accomplished in the past. This will enable you to achieve and also will lead to a greater sense of self-esteem.
• Set subsequent goals in a sequential manner. As you reach a goal, set your next goal one level beyond your present level of accomplishment.
• Put a filter on feedback you receive from others. Consider the source, and never personalize the feedback.
• Experiment with your standards for success. Choose any activity and instead of aiming for 100 percent, try for 90 percent, 80 percent, or even 60 percent success. This will help you to realize that the world does not end when you are not perfect.
• Focus on the process of doing an activity not just on the end result. Evaluate your success not only in terms of what you accomplished but also in terms of how much you enjoyed the task. Recognize that there can be value in the process of pursuing a goal.
• Use feelings of anxiety and depression as opportunities to ask yourself, "Have I set up impossible expectations for myself in this situation?"
• Confront the fears that may be behind your perfectionism by asking yourself, "What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that could happen?"
• Recognize that many positive things can only be learned by making mistakes. When you make a mistake ask,
• "What can I learn from this experience?" More specifically, think of a recent mistake you have made and list all the things you can learn from it.
• Avoid all-or-none thinking in relation to your goals. Learn to discriminate the tasks you want to give high priority to from those tasks that are less important to you. On less important tasks, choose to put forth less effort. Once you have tried these suggestions, you are likely to realize that perfectionism is not a helpful or necessary influence in your life. There are alternative ways to think that are more beneficial. Not only are you likely to achieve more without your perfectionism, but you will feel better about yourself in the process
• “Your view of how people view you” is a learned way that people build self-perception. It is flawed and self-defeating.



The Experience of Competence “The qualities of the person himself, his physique, temperamental traits, mental abilities, special aptitudes, exert a marked influence over his behavior. They affect his evaluation by others and thus his evaluation of himself. This self-evaluation may range from a supreme and arrogant self-esteem to miserable feelings of inferiority.”
“The Experience of Competence, based on the effectiveness of one’s own activity in dealing with the environment, is a vital root of self-esteem. Behind many acts there is an intention, and it is possible for the individual to perceive very directly whether or not he succeeds in realizing his intention. If he succeeds, the individual not only achieves a goal but senses himself as having been able or competent to achieve it. He has pitted his mind and muscles against obstacles and resistant forces, and he has been able to bring about the change that he intended. This is what we mean by the experience of competence.